About five years ago, when my youngest daughter was four, I made the catastrophic parenting mistake of starting the Elf on the Shelf tradition. And listen, I’m not some baw hum bug, hate Christmas kind of guy. I love the holidays. I love the lights, the cookies, the chaos. But this tradition is ridiculous. If you are a new parent thinking about adopting it, do not do it. If you have already made this vital mistake, then you already know the hell you have signed up for. My wife warned me not to do it, and like an idiot, I did it anyway.
The Elf is basically a professional snitch. Every night after your kids go to bed he flies back to the North Pole to report their behavior to Santa. Then he flies back but the little asshole never lands in the same place twice. He must be moved every single night. This is the part I hate because God forbid you fall asleep, forget to move him, and your kid wakes up to find him in the same spot.
This happened once in our house, and the meltdown that followed made me regret inviting this professional tattletale into our living room in the first place.
“Daddy he didn’t move. I must have done something bad.”
Shit.
Pro tip. If you Google “Letters from the Elf on the Shelf” you can print out a pre written explanation about why he didn’t move. Everything from “I was too tired” to “This is just my favorite spot.” Have that letter printed and ready because you will screw this up. You can “find” the letter before your kid spirals like mine did. The deception runs deep with this tradition.
Now there is one upside. As I mentioned the Elf is a professional snitch which means you can leverage his presence to remind your kid that Santa is watching. And since I have a gift for turning everything into a coaching exercise, I am going to use the Elf on the Shelf to raise the lid on your life and help you experience more freedom.
You might not like this, but it is good. Really good.
Imagine the Elf on the Shelf was not sent to watch your kids but to watch you. Inflation has hit the North Pole so Santa needs to make some extra money. He sends the Elf on a special assignment to study adults and write a bestselling book on personal and professional success. The book is based entirely on what the Elf observes.
Everything you do. Everything you say.
How you work. How you rest.
What you eat. What you spend.
How you live. How you lead.
After the holidays, he uploads all of his notes into ChatGPT and asks for a detailed playbook to outline the book.
Now here is the question.
If the Elf documented every part of your life through the entire holiday season and published a book based solely on your choices, how successful would the people who bought it become if they followed your exact playbook?
This is not a shame tactic. I am not here to guilt trip you. There are just two lessons baked into this whole ridiculous tradition.
First, we are magnets for what we model. You do not get what you want. You get who you are. Your behavior is the strongest currency you have to purchase the life you want.
Second, the holiday season does not require you to abandon every good habit you have built. There is no trophy for eating, drinking, or stressing yourself into the ground. The point of all of this has always been connection. Presence. People.
So ask yourself before you head into the rest of the year.
“How do I want to remember this holiday season.”
If you have not started the Elf on the Shelf, do not. You are lucky. Stay pure.
If you have already furthered the deception of this holiday season, then at least use the little guy as a reminder that your behavior is being observed.
Not by some creepy elf.
But by the people who matter most.
Be a real example of cheer. Celebrate your people. Slow down. Connect.
That is the stuff I got right.
And that is the stuff that actually matters.
live freed,
Jordan
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