I love being a dad. Love it. While many live by the mantra “go big or go home” I live by “how quickly can I get home?” It’s literally my only goal.
Parenthood has a way of revealing us to ourselves. It is the most rewarding and the most confronting work many of us will ever do. It demands strength. It demands consistency. It demands intentionality.
At its heart, parenting is the daily practice of becoming the kind of adult we hope our kids grow toward. I come back to one question again and again.
Are you the adult you want your kids to be?
Every time I ask it I feel both the weight and the gift in that question. It pushes me to grow. It invites me to slow down. It reminds me that children need an example more than tactical rules.
Over the years I have kept a handful of quotes as a reminder of the type of parent I intend to be. These quotes have written the code of my parenting philosophy. My intention in sharing is that they might do for you what they’ve done for me and my family.
“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.”
-Carl Jung
Our kids feel the dreams we never pursue and the courage we don’t listen to. Our baggage doesn’t fly free. We pass it down. Some use their kids as an excuse for not pursuing their dreams. Don’t make excuses. Be the example.
“It’s no surprise we fail to tune into our children’s essence. How can we listen to them, when so many of us barely listen to ourselves? How can we feel their spirit and hear the beat of their heart if we can’t do this in our own life?”
-Shefali Tsabary
Children thrive in the presence of adults who are connected to themselves first. When we tune in to our inner world we can finally tune in to theirs.
“Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting. In terms of teaching our children to dare greatly in the ‘never enough’ culture, the question isn’t so much ‘Are you parenting the right way?’ as it is: ‘Are you the adult that you want your child to grow up to be?’”
-Brené Brown
Our example teaches more than any lesson we offer. Who we are is the curriculum.
“The biggest mistake parents make is not remembering their own childhoods. The best thing you can do is to think about what it was like for us and know what our children are going through.”
-Mr. Rogers
As adults in the hustle of providing and parenting we forget what it was like to be a kid. A question I ask myself often when working through conflict with one of my kids is “Would the approach I’m taking have worked on me at their age?” Often the answer is no. IF it wouldn’t have worked on you don’t expect it to work on them. Remember what it was like and use that as a guide to foster connection.
“When you keep criticizing your kids, they don’t stop loving you. They stop loving themselves.”
-Tiny Buddha
This one can be a little tricky. Criticism doesn’t just happen with our words to our kids. It also shows up in how we treat ourselves. Kids are unbelievably intuitive. They pick up on far more than we give them credit for. What I realized is that criticizing myself is a form of criticizing them because they model our behavior. Learning to convert your inner critic to an inner coach is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself and by proxy to your children.
Parenting isn’t meant to be perfect but we can be intentional. Use these quotes as a guide and you can put your head on the pillow at night knowing you’re doing as well as you can.
live freed,
Jordan
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