“The most delightful surprise in life is to suddenly recognize your own worth.”
― Maxwell Maltz
I can’t count the number of discussions I’ve had over the years around the idea of self-worth. So many of them fell flat, leaving both the client and me feeling deflated. Some would label those conversations as failure. Not me. Each one was simply feedback leading me on a path to figuring out what doesn’t work. Failure is the conscious decision to quit, and I won’t quit when it comes to people. In fact, one thing I share with clients often is, “You will quit on me before I quit on you.”
An idea that I’ve always struggled with, and so have a number of my clients, is the idea of inherent worthiness. “Just because you’re alive, you’re worthy” may work for some, but I’ve never been able to get myself to feel it. I’ve also never had a client who has suddenly felt worthy just by listening to me share how worthy I believe they are. People who struggle with worthiness or value often have a part of themselves that needs convincing.
For some of us, worthiness isn’t inherited, it’s earned, not from others, but from ourselves.
I believe we all have an inner audience that has been observing our lives like a crowd in a movie theater. This audience has created a series of judgments about the type of person we are based on what it has seen. It has seen our triumphs, failures, and most of all our broken promises. Standing before it with affirmations in hand, repeating “I am worthy,” might work for some audiences, but not for all. Some audiences need proof or evidence that can only be seen through behavior.
For example, someone who has consistently told themselves they will rise early and start their day by hitting the gym but hasn’t followed through eventually stops believing the statement, “I am going to the gym tomorrow morning.” The behavior of sleeping in has convinced their audience that they are not the type of person who does that; thus, the belief isn’t installed. So how would one convince themselves they are the type of person who gets up early and goes to the gym? By doing so consistently. By creating undeniable evidence through their behavior that they are the type of person who goes to the gym in the morning.
I call this process the evidence effect: the process where you identify and install your own beliefs about yourself using undeniable evidence that you are who you say you are.
“You don’t become confident by shouting affirmations in the mirror, but by having a stack of undeniable proof that you are who you say you are.”
― Alex Hormozi
Here’s how you use the evidence effect around your self-worth.
How do you treat things you feel possess a high sense of worth or value? If you had a prized racing horse, how would you treat it? With the best care you possibly could, right? Best feed, best stalls, best trainers, etc. You believe it has value, so you treat it that way, and the cycle of value is in full motion. Why is the sky blue? Because it reflects the ocean. Why is the ocean blue? Because it reflects the sky. The horse is valuable because you believe it, and because you believe it, you behave that way towards it. The cycle continues on.
Here’s the approach: “If I believed I was worthy, how would I treat myself today?”
For some of us, worth isn’t something we just feel because we’re told it’s there. It isn’t given. It’s proven. You don’t need to convince the world; you only need to show yourself. And every small act of treating yourself like you matter is a step toward finally believing it. Stack enough proof, and even your harshest inner critic will have no choice but to admit it.
live freed,
Jordan
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