This week, Rochelle and I were driving with our two daughters to a resort town a few hours away. Midway through the trip, she looked over and asked:
“Hey, want to listen to a podcast on kids and technology?”
This is a topic that’s caused its fair share of friction in our home. So I agreed.
She queued up an episode of the Lazy Genius Podcast by Kendra Adachi (one of her favorites), and we listened as the host unpacked the emotional chaos that often surrounds screen time and parenting.
There was one section that really stuck with me:
“Sometimes my judgment of myself spills over onto my kids or even my husband. I get Big Black Trash Bag Energy but towards technology, and I start making proclamations about new screen time rules that I’m only creating out of a place of personal insecurity. Judgment runs rampant.”
I busted out laughing and turned to Rochelle:
“Wait—what is Big Black Trash Bag Energy?”
She smiled and said,
“That’s when you’ve just had enough and start looking to throw everything in sight away.”
It was hilarious. But also… incredibly true.
What really hit me wasn’t just the trash bag part. It was this:
“I start making proclamations…”
That is the trap. And not just in parenting—but in our own heads.
We do this with ourselves constantly:
“That’s it! I’m done procrastinating!”
“From now on, I’m waking up at 5am!”
“No more sugar. No more excuses. I’m locked in.”
We make proclamations with passion…
But we don’t always keep the promises to back them up. That’s when we enter what I call the mismatched mind—a split between the conscious and the subconscious.
Here’s the best way I can explain it:
The conscious mind is the parent who’s had enough and makes a dramatic announcement about screen time.
The subconscious is the kid who’s learned to just wait it out.
The conscious mind storms into the kitchen, tired of the chaos, and says:
“That’s it! No more screens after dinner!”
“We’re doing a full digital detox—no devices on weekends!”
“From now on, everyone gets one hour of screen time a day. Period.”
The kids nod. Maybe they even hand over their devices.
But they’ve seen this movie before.
They know it fades by Thursday.
They’re not listening to the words—they’re watching the follow-through.
And that’s exactly how your subconscious works.
It doesn’t respond to proclamations.
It doesn’t change because you got inspired.
It changes because you stayed consistent.
When your conscious mind keeps making bold claims—without consistent follow-through—the subconscious learns to tune it out.
Your subconscious doesn’t need another speech.
If you really want to convince it to keep your own promises, it needs proof—because some beliefs can only be built through repeated behavior, not proclamations.
live freed,
Jordan
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