A few weeks ago, I was watching my oldest daughter in a chess match with her uncle. She was down to just a few pieces, one of which was her queen. The game was nearing its end, and it was clear he was going to win. As he repeatedly put her king in check, she used her queen over and over to block him– sacrificing her most valuable piece just to delay the inevitable.
In that moment, a thought hit me like a brick: Don’t be a chess queen.
Recently I’ve started writing letters to my daughters as a way to organize my thoughts and pass what I feel are important lessons. This one is so powerful I had to share it.
Girls,
Over my career, I’ve watched far too many incredible women give away their power. My intention in writing this is to make sure this doesn’t happen to you. This is really important: Don’t Be a Chess Queen.
As you know, in chess, the king is the most significant piece on the board, but he is also very limited. He can only move one space at a time, and the entire game revolves around keeping him safe. The queen, on the other hand, is the most powerful piece. She can move in any direction, across the entire board in a single turn. But too often, her strength is wasted—not in winning the game, but in protecting a king who can do little for himself.
I’ve seen too many women sacrifice their dreams, careers, and energy to be a chess queen—spending their lives running in circles to protect a man who demands significance without bringing real value to the table. That’s not what we want for you. A real partner isn’t someone who expects you to carry the load while they sit in their self-importance. A real partner walks beside you, matching your effort, your ambition, and your heart. Don’t spend your life protecting someone who refuses to grow. Don’t waste your brilliance keeping a man afloat when he should be standing on his own.
A queen, properly used, is about winning the game—not protecting a loser. She is the most powerful force on the board, and when she plays to win, everything changes. My hope for you is that you always know your worth, never shrink yourself for someone else’s comfort, and never confuse attention with love.
Be the queen who plays to win, not the one who spends her life propping up a king who refuses to move.
-Dad
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